Zuca Case Updated

So I have given my Zuca Pro Artist case a really good outing....on public transport! All I can say is Wowza!  There I was on a crowded Jubilee line with no seats in sight and so I sat on my Zuca.  Not only did I not have to lift the trolley onto the tube (because of the wheels, I was able to drag it on with no difficulty...obviously, I would not advise doing this on tube trains with large gaps between tube and platform!) but it was quite sturdy, it didn't budge when we turned corners or stopped suddenly.  I sat there, reading my Metro until I reached my destination and so comfortable was I, that I forgot I was actually sitting on my kit and almost left the tube without it!

Zuca Pro Artist Backpack

At the moment I carry all my hair stuff in an ordinary back pack, which I have fashioned onto the handle of my Zuca, but this has not been successful as invariably it slides off to the side, taking my arm with it.  So I have decided to go the whole hog and purchase the Zuca pro artist Backpack which can be strapped onto the Zuca case (not to be confused with the ordinary Zuca Backpack which is considerably smaller). My only issue now is can I wait for IMATS  in February to bag a bargain or buy it now....Mnnnnn??

Zuca bags stacked

What Makes a Good Makeup Assistant?

One of the many ways to extend your knowledge of makeup artistry, is to assist other makeup artists who preferably, have been in the business for sometime and can offer advice and tips in any given field. Whether that be film, theatre or editorial.

You can make the rounds of all the major agencies (a list of which can be found on www.ftape.com) and ask them if it's possible to assist any of the major artists on their books or you can contact any artist directly.  Keep in mind that most of these people get many, many emails on a monthly basis (if my own inbox is anything to go by and I'm not exactly Pat McGrath!) But the key is to stand out from the crowd.  When you contact these people, talk about your interests and what you are prepared to do. If you are willing to travel, work long hours etc.  If possible, attach any work you have done.

So, once you have been extremely lucky to get your foot in the door, you have to ask yourself if you are prepared to stick it out.  You will, for the majority of the time,  be asked to "work" a full day for no money. To clean brushes and paint models toes (and sometimes they can look a little suspect to say the least!) to make the tea, to run errands, to clean up.  But the things you will learn will be invaluable and allow you to fast track your knowledge.  You will learn things that would have taken you years to find out on your own. More importantly, you will meet people that will benefit you in the long run.

But as I mentioned earlier, it is a very competitive position and it's usually rare to find a "great" assistant.  In fact, there are some, who being inert is an art in itself! The trick to success is to make yourself indispensable.

So based on years of working with assistants, here is my list of do's and don'ts:

Do
Get to location early. If call time is 8:15 get there at least 10 mins earlier, it shows you're keen.

Don't
Get there late and spend most of your time on facebook talking about "the celebrity" your working on.

Do
Make sure if you are asked to bring brushes or a hairdryer, that it is packed.....  and working!

Don't
Spend all your time talking to the model/celebrity instead of actually working, you are primarly there to help.


Do
Remember to practice whatever you have learnt, you never know when you will be asked to recreate it.

Don't
Moan within earshot, no one want's to be around negativity.... save it for when you get home!

Do
Ask before doing anything! It's nice to think ahead, but some artists don't like their brushes cleaned the second it leaves their hands!

Don't
Stay an assistant for more than a year. You will never be taken seriously as an artist in your own write.

Do
Make sure you make an impression for all the right reasons. You are more likely to recommend a great assistant rather than a mediocre one.

So if you're sure that is the route for you, be prepared for some hard grafting and hopefully some fun jobs.

Good luck!

The Makeup Show Berlin - A Must for Makeup Artists?

I have just returned from The Makeup Show in Berlin.  This is a 2 day show that usually takes place in New York, L.A and Chicago but for the first time ever, it has been brought to Europe.  It promised to be bigger and better than IMATS and more relevant than the Professional Beauty Show.  It was a brave boast considering it was going up against the Professional Beauty show taking place in London at the same time, not to mention London Fashion Week!

We arrived on the Friday ready to go to the VIP networking party, which was held at the venue from 6 until 8pm.  Unfortunately, no one told the yanks that Europeans could perform drinking as a national sport and thus the bar ran dry after an hour.  People dispersed fairly shortly after that. To be frank, I was not too optimistic about the next 2 days.

UV Pigments

On the second day, we arrived pretty early soon after they opened, to avoid the rush.  With our VIP wrist bands that we purchased in London, we were able to walk straight through with no problems.  The major stands were Inglot and  Makeup For Ever (which was to be expected as they were sponsoring the show).  Since they closed their stand alone store in London, It's hard to find the full range, so I headed straight to the Makeup For Ever stand.  Dany Sanz co-founder herself,  was due to be at the stand but had to fly home for personal reasons, but there were other Makeup For Ever creatives on the stand to sell and discuss the products.  My personal  best buy/recommendation was Fluo night UV Pigments  in 8 electric shades. They can be mixed with any medium: hair gels, lipgloss, foundation or mascaras.  I also loved their Aqua Liner. A high precision waterproof eyeliner with 15 intense colours. They have them in matt, iridescent and diamond finish. Eyeliner glides on with smooth precision and unlike most glitter type eyeliners,  this uses fine pigments so the intensity lasts all day and no fiddly glitter bits ending up all over the eye.  Has to be removed using waterproof makeup remover (beware, it was still on the back of my hand even after I had washed them!)

Debbie Bondar Founder

Anyone who has read my previous blogs will know I love, love Face-Atelia Ultra Pro foundations and who was on their stand but the incredible Debbie Bondar, a warm, funny  "jewish mama". A  tiny American, who shouted out "Honey your a 10!" as I walked up to her stand. Obviously I thought she was referring to my striking good looks, but apparently it was the shade of foundations that she has just developed for black skin!...oh well.  She has brought out colours such as 0- (brilliant white), 0+ (mid brown), 0++ (Blue black), which you can use as a mixing medium,  to lighten or darken any foundation meaning you only need 3 basic colours and not the whole 16 colour range.  What impressed me was the 0++ did not look ashy like many of the extreme dark colours I have sampled in the past.  Debbie knows her stuff, I was a 10. I must confess, many of my hard earn Euros went on their products, from the extra long moisturizing lip glosses, to their transforming gel (a mixing medium that stays in a circular blob rather than runs all over your hands like many of the other watery mixing mediums) and their brushes.  And of course there was the exhibition discount (you know how we love a bargain) This is a women I intend to keep in touch with!

Speaking of bargains, there was the Alcone Store which sells everything from Zuca bags to makeup sponges and everything in between.  Now there were a lot of  American stands at the show and as we all know, Americans can be pushy. At times it felt I was back in a Marrakesh bazarre with the shop owner basically following me down the street to get me to come into their store.  But one exhibitor did it with humour and that was the guy at Alcone, he was informative, funny and bitchy with it.  He got the English humour thing and it worked in his favour because his Zuka bags were flying out of his stand like they were stuffed with fivers and this despite the fact they were being sold at double the price sold in the UK and US! 

But my main reason for being at the show was the promise of industry professionals and agents looking at your portfolio. Seasoned makeup artists like James Vincent, Andrea Mayr, Maurice Stein, Loni Baur and many more. Agents like Sternen-faenge and Nude.  Now we all know we get bored of looking at our own books and so we chuck out images we think are not strong enough or we leave in something we absolutely love but no one else shares the same passion for,  or we are weary of showing our book as we doubt it's as good as someone elses you have seen, and if like me, you are not sure what exactly agencies are looking for in your book, this is the place to be.  But let me tell you, this is not for the lilly livered. There were some brave souls out there because some of those queen makeup artists that were critiquing were often brutal but telling you what you needed to hear! Your book is placed on a desk in front of the agent or artist in full view of the crowd who are also trying to peak at your book! As they go through dissecting each image, from the makeup and hair, to the photography and the styling, to the state of the book itself, even the look of your business card!

You could not put a price on this advice, because even though there were some agents that absolutely loved one image that another hated, the basic premise of the advice I received was the same from all.  I came away not only feeling proud of my work, but also felt able to take the advice given and hopefully improve my book 100 fold.

Overall the show for me was a resounding success, but holding it in Germany? No. Most English speakers do not speak German and most of the lectures  and demonstrations, of which there were many, were conducted in German, so I don't think I got the best out of those.  But I look forward to next year and if it's held in Germany again?..... I think I will take myself off to New York City!

Special Thanks to Michael Devellis of The Powder Group (you were my favourite but don't tell the others!)

Debbi Bondar of Face-Atelier for spending time talking to me.
James Vincent who helped put the whole thing together 
Loni Bahr for your great work and my free copy of Tush magazine (my favorite German magazine)
and last but not least Mandy Venter from MAC for filling in the gaps.

Bourjois Review.

This week I have been fortunate to try out Bourjois new Autumn range of products. The last eye shadows I used from Bourjois, I could only realisticaly use them wet (by using MAC water based mixing medium RRP £14.00) otherwise, one would have to continually swipe the eyeshadow pot to get any pigment on the brush.  Well, I am glad to announce they have corrected the issue and brought out their Intense (RRP £6.99) in selection of 10 colours  from deepest black to pink, some with flecks of gold shimmer .  The consistency is slightly powdery so you can still use it with your mixing medium, but because all the colours are so intense you can use it for professional shoots as well. What is more surpising is that Bourjois claim it has 87% mineral pigment, which usually means it's not strong enough for photographic makeup but not the case here.

Using Shades  3,4 and 10

 For a more softer look I used shades 2,8 and 9. I used 10 (black) with mixing medium as eyeliner.

Bourjois have also brought out Healthy Mix serum gel foundation(£RRP£10.99) A new range of light to medium coverage pump application foundations. They contain superfruits like Lychee, Goji and Pomegranate and they smell devine! In 6 shades from ivory to dark olive .  A small amount goes a long way and brings an even tone to the skin without it looking caked on.  It does leave the skin with a sheen, so for photographs  it does need quite a bit of powdering if that's not the look you are going for. I used it on Caucasian and Asian skin tones with minor blemishes and it was perfect to work with.

Last but not least, was a range of Smile Enhancing lip glosses in 6 shades (RRP£6.99). Now I am a big fan of their 3D range so I was looking forward to seeing what new product they had to offer.  This product has a dual application stick. On one end is a tooth brightening Gel (yes, you read correctly!) and on the other end, is the lip gloss.  Well always keen on any red shades, I gave one a go (can't tell you what shade it was as it's only written on the box, which I have since discarded. I have been informed that they will be rectifying this and putting the colour stamp on the actual product in future). Not too gloopy, little bits of shimmer dust for a bit of pizazz and quite moisturizing with a minty taste to it.  As for the teeth gel, well apart from the fact that I thought that was totally gross (I didn't like the fact that you put it from pot to your teeth, build up of plaque etc...I know it's my OCD rearing it's head but nooo!) It also tastes quite bitter, reminded me of topcoat lip fix.   Did I notice any difference in my tooth appearance? Frankly no, but don't let that put you off the lip gloss.

Zuca & James Vincent

Zuca with protective cover

ZUCA PRO ARTIST CASE

So, after suffering bag envy for about a month, I finally succumbed and purchased the pro artist Zuca Bag (£194 from Screenface). Readers of my previous blog on carrying equipment, will recall that my current suitecase (one of several I have purchased over the years) was on it's last legs, so the life time guarantee on the Zuca appealed to me, but I was worried about the actual size. It did look rather small!!

Well after watching various Youtube videos of other artists with their Zuca's, I could take it no more.  So here I was walking in the pouring rain with my new case covered in plastic, just in case I wanted to return it!

It's smaller than I imagined but it comes with lots of pockets in the sides and the front, also 5 zipped mesh pouch inserts, in various sizes.  Even so, I still could not see how a medium sized suitcase of makeup, could fit into such a small case.  Like a child at Christmas, I started emptying all the plastic zip bags that held my compartmentalized makeup and started putting them into the various Zuca pouches; Blushes in one, foundations in another etc. as I completed each one, I  loaded them into the Zuca case.

Colour coded zip pouches of various sizes

. 


I got as far as the fourth pouch. It could hold no more! Even though I had put all the cleansing products into the side and front pockets, I still had a considerable amount of makeup still waiting in my old and slightly dog eared suitcase! I called up reinforcements.  A makeup artist friend who has had her Zuca for years.  She said she fitted ALL her make up in hers and that the only thing she didn't fit, was the stuff she never uses.  So back to the drawing board for me.

I went through and threw out old cream blushers, lipsticks and glosses that were way past their sell by date (really need to keep on top of that stuff). Blot Powders that you would need a knife to scrape around the edges to get any powder out, the same with powder blushers. (I know I'm running low and so I buy new ones, only to keep hold of the ones with hardly anything in...why????).  Any pencils that were less than an inch long, gone! (I hold on to the ones discontinued, but if it's so short, it can no longer be gripped by the sharpener, why is it still in my kit???)  I then started to repack the Zuca pouches in a flatter and neater manner (common sense when you think about it).

Now all 5 pouches are neatly stacked in my new Zuca. The more than generous side and front pockets takes everything else, from my cleansers and tissues to dental floss and plasters.   I feel like Dr Who and his Tardis.  It's hard to believe I can now manage with such a small case. 

Zuca with hair bag stacked on top

I have used it for two jobs now. Once using the car and the other using public transport. It's amazingly easier to carry up the stairs, due to the location of the handle. I felt quite smug sitting on it on a packed  tube train, my own personal throne! It cannot hold makeup AND hair equipment.  But I found resting my hair bag on top of the Zuca and pulling them together, also saves the ache from my shoulders.   So am I a fan?....you bet your sweet fanny I am!

 

James Vincent

Today I attended The Makeup Show event at Inglot in Westfield. With demonstrations from James Vincent an American makeup artist, who has done the likes of Lady Gaga.  As a makeup artist, we should never forget there are always new tricks to be learnt, and I am glad to say,  James did not disappoint.  Not only were there new tricks of the trade demonstrations, but also sound advice about how to get on in this industry.  One that sticks out in my mind is when he said it didn't matter about your size, colour or nationality, but your success was based on your talent (bearing in mind that this was from a slightly rotund gay man who was clearly addicted to tattoo needles ) never a truer word said.


He is here basically to promote The Makeup Show in Berlin (17-18th Sept).  Unlike IMATS this will be solely for professionals.  There will be agents there who will critique and advise you on your portfolio.  There will also be makeup brands like Makeup for Ever as well as the usual favourites like MAC and INGLOT.  We were also informed that not only will the top makeup brands be there, but the main makeup artists behind the brand (as apposed to the usual makeup counter staff) There will be free seminars from industry professionals and most importantly, a networking party, where makeup artists can mingle with industry bigwigs and photographers etc.  Discount has also been arranged with various hotels and airlines.  Well, I for one have booked my ticket already.  Contact www.themakeupshow.com if you wish to join me!
 

A week of Thailand and Riots!

Koh Samui


When we arrived at the hotel we were greeted with a refreshing cocktail as we checked in (love these local customs). The place we stayed in was called Centara Villas and whilst I had looked at their website (I know...the accommodation is never as good as the photos, but  I did look at Trip Adviser for their comments) but I was still unprepared for what greeted me.  The apartments were all on stilts in various parts of the grounds and linked by a series of winding steps.  I had the cheapest of the rooms (Garden View) which incidentally, should be considered illegal under trade description laws as all I saw were my neighbours and steps, unless the over grown plants were considered the garden! Don't get me wrong, the villas were nicely decorated and well laid out inside, but it was basically a conservatory on stilts, with glass on 3 out of the 4 walls. I would have loved to have left the  blinds up permanently so I could look out at the sea beyond but every time I rolled them up all I could see is my neighbour walking around in his hammock underpants...God knows what he saw when he looked my way but he was 60 if he was a day! Really not a pretty sight before breakfast.

Close to the neigbours

The rest of my party were higher up the hill, in two spa villas, basically a small whirl pool on their varanda consisting of local flowers and various drowned insects. They were on the outer edges of the complex so where as  I had steps to climb everyday, they just had a steep hill but they did have privacy. As for me, it was like climbing Mount Everest! Breakfast was served on the beach front, at the bottom of the hill, naturally!  So each morning, I would go down armed with everything I needed for the day, I was not gonna climb that beast of a hill more than twice, after all I came for a rest, not a heart attack!

After the first day, I envied their seclusion and I also thought the steep hill was easier to navigate than the steps, also I had "lost" my villa and was wondering around this maze like complex 4 times, this was despite having a map!!  After finally finding it and suffering from lack of oxygen as well as heat stroke I was all set to exchange rooms. I had had enough by day two.  This was before they told me they had been frightened out of their wits during the night as "something" had jumped on their roof and tried to open the door during the night...Tarzan I aint, so thought I was better off staying where I was. We still don't know what it was, but it did become a regular visitor so they had a lot of interrupted nights. I of course would pass out from pure exhaustion and would sleep like a baby!

Centara Beach

Where we stayed was quite quiet and we had most of the beach to ourselves, despite it being rainy season, we had continuing sunshine and sitting under a shade by the beach was bliss it was on average 29 degrees and the sea was like a warm bath.  Centara Villas  was a couples paradise (they have two guitar playing singers who serenade each table with soppy love ballads at dinner. We only ate at dinner there the first night, thank God!) During the evening we would venture out to Chaweng or Lamai a 30 min or 10 min drive depending on which one you went to. These resorts were bustling with tourists and had things like McDonalds, Starbucks, pole dancers and fish and chips all along the main strip, you would be easily fooled into thinking you were in Magaluf! Although shopping was much better value in Bangkok,  it was still far cheaper than the UK.  So after tasting the delights of these resort areas,  we thanked God  we had not booked into anywhere there and went back to our  beach that we didn't have to share with 50 - 60 thousand other people!

There were two local restaurants outside the hotel who served great Thai food and most evenings a 3 course meal with wine came up to a wapping £7.

2nd Waterfall

We did the Na Muang waterfall and elephant ride excursions, the tour operator had informed us that it was fine to wear flip flops...big mistake! The 1st waterfall was small and barely manageable but the 2nd was over 80mts high and at first I had refused to go up the side of the mountain in flit flops and a shoulder bag  but when I saw the whole group making an effort, I thought why not.  So up and up we went via sharp rocks and slippery mud, others passed me by in their rock climbing boots and hard hats.  They offered to stay and help me but I thought I could do it alone, albeit slowly.    I had to pull myself up GI Jane style up this steep hill and  the sweat was dripping off me after each turn.  Then I came to this huge rock and the only means to get up it was via a bit of vine, I tried it to see if it would hold my weight and then I made the biggest mistake of all....I looked down!  I was very high up and there was no one in sight, I could no longer see the others in front and when I called out their names, there was no reply.....I've seen enough movies to know that all it takes is one slip for them never to hear from me again and it's always the one at the back that gets done in (I had already passed the spirit house- a Thai style bird house on stilts that houses the spirit of someone that died!!) so I tried to calm my heart that was now threatening to beat its way, literally out of my chest and walked tentatively back down, I lost count of the amount of times my flit flops flew off or threatened to decapitate my big toe! When I finally got to the bottom I went to the makeshift shop at the bottom to replenish the 2 gallons of fluids I had lost on route, only to run into the biggest spider I have ever seen! I'm surprised I'm still alive to be honest!

Arachnophobia!

Quiet frankly I could quite happily set up a Yoga retreat and live there for the rest of my life, for despite Thailand being considered  a third world country. I only saw two beggars one in Chaweng and the other in Lamai (they basically just walk a long with a cup in their hand and as they don't hassle you, I'm assuming they were beggars and not just thirsty!) Everyone else is out to make money to feed their family, if not by selling fake designer goods, it's  providing beauty treatments, running a bar, restaurant, shop, tour group, selling goods on the beach or even selling their services to western men eager for a taste of Thai!  They approach you with the same questions; "where are you from and how long are you staying?" and then you know the hustle is coming; a friend with a tailor or jewelry shop you can go to who does "special discount" but it's all done with a smile so you never feel intimidated and I was extremely sad to leave, vowing to one day return.

London and the Riots

There was a 5 minute segment about the riots on Thai TV so I really only caught up with all of it once I returned.  The first paper I picked up on my return was The Standard and from their pictures it would seem that every black person in the UK was responsible for the uprising.  I then started watching all the BBC and You Tube footage.  It was youths in general, black, white and asians and it just wasn't the main cities that was affected but tiny little hamlets around Essex and Kent, some of these areas have little or no black people.  I mention this because I also saw the interview with David Starkey which stated that whites were acting like blacks and I was incensed to say the least!

Starkey, who is a Historian and therefore considered highly educated, seems to believe that all nationalities have a special gene that means they ALL act the same regardless of their circumstances.  Well lets just test that theory shall we? ALL my white friends want to be Jordan, I have Chinese friends obviously, they can ALL fight like Bruce Lee, my asian friends ALL wear saris and break out into song everytime they see the rain, my muslim friends ALL have a bomb making kit in the kitchen, I've lost count of the amount of times I've caught ALL my Swedish friends stark naked shopping in Tescos,  everytime ALL my Brazillian friends hear a samba beat they break out the sequined thong and feathers and start marching down Oxford street and don't get me started on my African friends, ALL sitting on the tube with a dead zebra on their shoulders not to mention ALL my Irish friends lying in a drunken heap 15ft high outside every pub in London.  All of this is completely absurd, but Starkey seems to think as Black people, we go around breaking into shops and stealing trainers and naturally the whites want to copy this "black" pass time so now they are "acting" black because naturally we all act the same as its our colour that determines our actions.  Neither I or any member of my family has cracked the windows of Curry's when we found we needed an extra 40 inch screen TV but I suppose under Mr Starkey calculations, that would mean I was acting white.  But what does it mean to be white using Mr Starkeys rule of thumb? Through out history, Europeans have raped and pillaged every continent, that which wasn't theirs has been taken by force from the indigenous people that owned it.....hold on a minute! That's exactly what these yobs have been doing, far from acting black, these youths have been acting as white as their ancestors once did! Maybe Mr Starkey should brush up on his history!


After the shooting in Tottenham, a peaceful protest escalated into anarchy. I once read Michael Cains autobiography where he stated he was a little bit of a villain when he was a kid but these days there's no parks for the kids to play in (they've been turned into high rises) they have computer games that desensitizes them to violence and they see you can get rich and famous just from showing your tits on TV. Michael predicted that one day the youth of Britain would rise up and start a war and this is exactly what has happened here.  It was a war between the young and the old, the have and the have nots, colour had nothing to do with it and just plain villains taking advantage of an opportunity.  In Thailand, everyone is an entrepreneur, they have a work ethic that the youths here would do well to imitate, but with babies giving birth to babies and the grand mothers not that much older. I'm unsure how we can ever turn things around.

BANGKOK!

Take Off

Well here I am.  After struggling on the Victoria Line with my over sized case (bought one with 4 wheels for ease, but really didn't consider the impracticalities of carrying it up steps!!) and the stop over at Dubai airport (a bit of a disappointment actually....Mcdonalds and Burger King in the food hall and nothing much better in between...you would think the oasis complete with water fall and palm trees in the middle of the departure lounge, could be sacrificed for a decent eaterie! Can't fault the Emerates for flight though, smoothest take off and landing ever, copious amounts of food and all the films I could ever want to see.

Arrival.

We arrived in Bangkok, my name clearly displayed for pickup and my 20 pound limo (actually it was a merc but who's splitting hairs at that price!) Bangkok is full of high rise buildings, long duel carriageways and the skytrain overhead (think DLR only much cleaner, faster and much more important AIRCONDITIONING!...now why can't WE do that???) I was told that the street food was much nicer than the stuff in the restuarants.  Well there are street vendors every 50 yards, and all by the side of the duel carriage way (passing trade I suppose), some of them wore masks, which was either to protect them from germs or the smog, either way I wasn't that daring so if I've eaten substandard, I'm not bothered.

Have been to see the Reclining Buddha, the Emerald Buddha and the Palace, think the King and I but a million times the gold and mother of pearl decorations every where. I have been shopping!! There are huge malls here. One of the largest is in the centre of Siam where they sell designer goods such as Gucci and Prada hand bags at bargain prices compared to England, 5 floors of utter indulgence.....I went to the one down the road, 8 floors of  designer goods like Gricci and Pruda and where you had to haggle for everything, afterall I'm only here for the bargains!  I am here with 3 mixed race children and everywhere we go people want to take our picture, school children line up politely in their navy blue and white uniforms to take our picture one by one, have no idea what that's about but revelling in my celebrity status!  There are a LOT of crusty old western men here, snaggled toothed and one hair on their head, walking around with Thai girls young enough to be their great grand daughters.  I was talking to a much younger guy from Canada and he said he gets more hassled here than the girls do.  Every Thai girl and her mother wants to be his 'girl friend' so I guess these old geezers figure its better than retiring to Bognor Regis!

After a days shopping, I  felt in need of a massage, so booked myself in for a Thai Massage.  I went in and met a little old lady about 60 who asked me to get undressed and put on a pair of Thai pajarmas, the trousers alone wrapped around me 3 times (one size fits all no matter what sex!) I was then asked to lie on a matt on the floor, this old lady then began pushing her thumbs into my spine, I let out a little groan (okay a large cry) and she asked me if it was too hard, I said yes and her response to me was "yu should no go for dis massa den, dis massa vely har, yu should go for sof massa". I said ok and bit my lip as this little old lady used her elbows, knees, feet, anything she could find to inflict the utmost pain into my body for an hour. When it had all finished, she had the cheek to offer me tea....should have just chucked it at her...let her know what pain is!....instead I just walked away barely, maybe I should have found out exactly what a Thai massage was before going in.

My attempt to get the rest of the gang in to see a lady boy show came to no avail.  Unfortunately, we saw two dressed up for the night, head to toe in pink mini dresses, long Slinky legs with knobbly knees, slim toned arms with hands like a bricklayer and hair that just didn't sit right! After seeing them, the more macho of the group absolutely refused to go to the cabaret.  I was gutted!

So here I am, in the airport lounge typing this blog (hence the lack of photographic evidence of my exploits) on my way to Koh Sumui, where the second part of my adventure begins......