BANGKOK!

Take Off

Well here I am.  After struggling on the Victoria Line with my over sized case (bought one with 4 wheels for ease, but really didn't consider the impracticalities of carrying it up steps!!) and the stop over at Dubai airport (a bit of a disappointment actually....Mcdonalds and Burger King in the food hall and nothing much better in between...you would think the oasis complete with water fall and palm trees in the middle of the departure lounge, could be sacrificed for a decent eaterie! Can't fault the Emerates for flight though, smoothest take off and landing ever, copious amounts of food and all the films I could ever want to see.

Arrival.

We arrived in Bangkok, my name clearly displayed for pickup and my 20 pound limo (actually it was a merc but who's splitting hairs at that price!) Bangkok is full of high rise buildings, long duel carriageways and the skytrain overhead (think DLR only much cleaner, faster and much more important AIRCONDITIONING!...now why can't WE do that???) I was told that the street food was much nicer than the stuff in the restuarants.  Well there are street vendors every 50 yards, and all by the side of the duel carriage way (passing trade I suppose), some of them wore masks, which was either to protect them from germs or the smog, either way I wasn't that daring so if I've eaten substandard, I'm not bothered.

Have been to see the Reclining Buddha, the Emerald Buddha and the Palace, think the King and I but a million times the gold and mother of pearl decorations every where. I have been shopping!! There are huge malls here. One of the largest is in the centre of Siam where they sell designer goods such as Gucci and Prada hand bags at bargain prices compared to England, 5 floors of utter indulgence.....I went to the one down the road, 8 floors of  designer goods like Gricci and Pruda and where you had to haggle for everything, afterall I'm only here for the bargains!  I am here with 3 mixed race children and everywhere we go people want to take our picture, school children line up politely in their navy blue and white uniforms to take our picture one by one, have no idea what that's about but revelling in my celebrity status!  There are a LOT of crusty old western men here, snaggled toothed and one hair on their head, walking around with Thai girls young enough to be their great grand daughters.  I was talking to a much younger guy from Canada and he said he gets more hassled here than the girls do.  Every Thai girl and her mother wants to be his 'girl friend' so I guess these old geezers figure its better than retiring to Bognor Regis!

After a days shopping, I  felt in need of a massage, so booked myself in for a Thai Massage.  I went in and met a little old lady about 60 who asked me to get undressed and put on a pair of Thai pajarmas, the trousers alone wrapped around me 3 times (one size fits all no matter what sex!) I was then asked to lie on a matt on the floor, this old lady then began pushing her thumbs into my spine, I let out a little groan (okay a large cry) and she asked me if it was too hard, I said yes and her response to me was "yu should no go for dis massa den, dis massa vely har, yu should go for sof massa". I said ok and bit my lip as this little old lady used her elbows, knees, feet, anything she could find to inflict the utmost pain into my body for an hour. When it had all finished, she had the cheek to offer me tea....should have just chucked it at her...let her know what pain is!....instead I just walked away barely, maybe I should have found out exactly what a Thai massage was before going in.

My attempt to get the rest of the gang in to see a lady boy show came to no avail.  Unfortunately, we saw two dressed up for the night, head to toe in pink mini dresses, long Slinky legs with knobbly knees, slim toned arms with hands like a bricklayer and hair that just didn't sit right! After seeing them, the more macho of the group absolutely refused to go to the cabaret.  I was gutted!

So here I am, in the airport lounge typing this blog (hence the lack of photographic evidence of my exploits) on my way to Koh Sumui, where the second part of my adventure begins......